"I’m on treatment and undetectable so I know I wasn’t a risk to him. I tried to muster up the courage to disclose but I just couldn’t."
Are you clean?’ Well you can interpret that question any way you want. I knew what he was meaning to say but I just answered him as if he’d asked ‘Have you had a shower?’ or ‘Are you physically clean?’ and so I said ‘yes I am
Perhaps the problem with disclosure was me, not everyone else. I kept thinking that the world was going to end when I told anyone. I don’t know if I’ve ever experienced that level of fear before. It was crippling. Heart beating fast, shallow breathing, but it was all me. I judged myself